Whatever

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Stephen Sommers): 53- Definitely overrated (realistically it's more like 37) but there's so much going on in the margins that at the time I was feeling generous. G.I. Joe has a sloppy kung-fu fight with kids and not only that but one is trying to eat biscuits during the fight, a character that has taken a vow of silence and actually keeps it, a conversation on a treadmill with Chatum Tatum jumping rope in the background for no apparent reason, a headbutt as a sign of affection, body suits that turn a normal chase into a choreograph dance sequence, a guy with balloons only there to get them knocked out of his hands only then to have to have the balloons escape out of a glass ceiling when it is broken moments later (empty symbolism? reference to Pixar?), flaming car tire rolling by in the background of a standard shot/counter shot, again, for no apparent reason, and that’s only what I can remember off hand, I’m sure there’s more.

Sherlock Holmes (Guy Ritchie): 25- Entire film is a setup for the final confrontation/ explanation where all the weird elements that make no sense are explained in like ten straight minutes. Plays out like Law and Order: Criminal Intent, the D'Onofrio episodes, which are my least favorite.

2012 (Roland Emmerich): 28- Went into this one willingly, only to find out on the way there it’s two and a half hours!! That’s way too fucken long for this sort of thing! I was pre-rationalizing that maybe they would withhold the destruction until the last 45mins or so ratcheting up the tension, or at least keep it non-stop to the point of deadening. Instead you have a film that stretches its B movie ambition filling its runtime with so much subplot and pointless dialogue you wonder how it got made in the first place.